Hiatus Whole

Adieu hoary factors
Sorry no more letters
Bonjour new matters –
Scenes and actors
Will inspire me better!

© Heath Muchena, 2009


One Comment on “Hiatus Whole”

  1. janetleigh says:

    Hi there, HTMM. Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving some feedback. I’m a writer who appreciates it, too. This here Home of Random caught my eye; your choice of words lend some clear images and a little mystery, too..:) I’ve been involved in community theater and so I immediately respond to words like scenes and actors, but these words also hint at politics, another of my interests, so you score big with me on this one. You also wrote that you welcome feedback from readers and I shall take you up on that and pass on a last line that may give a little more weight to your last line:

    [..]
    Scenes and actors
    That inspire me better !

    Alternative words to replace word “that”

    Do inspire me better!

    Will inspire me better !

    If you’re not trying to go for a rhyme i.e., letter/better
    you might try:

    Do better inspire me!

    or,

    Do better to inspire me!

    However, I do like your poem as it stands now; and always remember that it is you who decides how your poem reads. There’s no obligation to ever change anything suggested by me, or any reader, for that matter. Just keep writing!

    Your fantastic smile suggests not only a handsome young man, but also beauty from within..:) Good luck in your writing career!

    janetleigh

    Like


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