The Chapel Street Chapters

Setting: Chapel Street
Personae: Pastor Pious – prophet of profit; Toivo Tanner – faith-based marketer

I was thinking something along the lines of ‘divine dispensation’…

I see. All right – how about ‘transformative contributions to consciousness’?

I agree, that does have a nice ring to it. Sounds less prophetic yet it still retains that mystical element

Exactly, because let’s face it pastor, these folks are getting more doubtful by the day but trust me when I say my approach never fails, works every time!

Well, you’ve not yet let me down.

Exactly! You have to adapt to the times. Refresh the doctrine so to speak. Because you see, it was once a matter of totems and taboos and all that sort of primitive stuff, but then the language changed and with that came an end to the old desires and fears.

So you say – let it be something new they hear, right? Something to catch the ears and hopefully steer hearts to ensure hands reach deep into pockets, correct? And make the insuperable financial difficulties our ecclesiastical establishments have been facing the past several years a thing of tides past! Can I expect better tithes is what I’m asking, Tanner? I’m putting my faith in you man. You’re my last hope otherwise I’m finished.

Not if I can help it. You know hope in Finnish is Toivo…

How did you end up with a name like that anyway?

Dad was half German, half Finnish. Toivo means hope, my holy mate. So no need to worry. I’ve got you!

If this doesn’t work then they may as well just hang me.

Ah, I see what you did there… deliberately avoided saying crucify me.

Getting the hang of it.

Well, I don’t know Pious… generally speaking, I prefer your theological language when you’re in discourse with me but I don’t recommend anything that has any hint of proselytizing when it comes to addressing your congregation. I mean… I love it personally, it’s just a bit too raw for the kind in this city these days. They want worship with no worry. Something new-age, liberal and less imposing. Era-appropriate you know…. But as for my linguistic preferences… definitely crucify to hang… no blasphemy intended but crucifixion sounds better to me. I wouldn’t wanna be hung simply because the idea of ending up with angel lust has always sounded super scandalous so I just can’t picture it… even though it wouldn’t matter if you’re already dead of course, but you know… dignity for the deceased and all that.

German-Finnish, huh… some kinda seed I see… you, my friend, baffle me.

A bit idiosyncratic I know, but only in discourse with you. But back to talking business – I’ll keep it clean.

I’m counting on your campaign to work.

Trust me, you’ll soon see an increase in the size and weight of your collection plate.

That’ll be great because I need all the help I can get! Let’s get it done then. Let’s get paid!


© Heath Muchena, 2016